It feels good to be in the month of November. Thanksgiving is coming up and it’s always a great time to spend with loved ones. Everyone sitting at the dinner table enjoying the plethora of food and reminiscing about the old times while creating new memories. What a sight to see! Well, the table we’re going to talk about today isn’t your regular Thanksgiving table. It’s the table in your marriage. At wedding receptions, I’ve always heard at least one toast that encourages the newlyweds to work out any differences amongst themselves without the involvement of friends and family. Now, there are extenuating circumstances that are exceptions to this however, for the purposes of this discussion, we won’t explore past the typical marital conflicts.
So who should sit at your table? Well, God, your spouse, and you, of course. Family and friends will always be there to support but having healthy boundaries is crucial in keeping a healthy marriage. For example, one of the most typical pressures newlyweds hear is ‘when will you guys start your family?’ People mean well, and who doesn’t love cuddling with a baby, but the vote of when to start your family should always be between you and your partner without external influences.
You may be wondering, what does this have to do with finances? I’m glad you asked. When it comes to finances and decision-making in a relationship, it’s crucial that both partners are on the same page. Here are five things that will keep you and your spouse on the same page and in good grace with one another:
- Plan A Budget Night
The key to a successful marriage is communication. What better way to get on the same page than to designate time to do so. When we started our debt-free journey I was what you’d call overzealous. I lived in my spreadsheets. Normal date nights turned into budget talks and for my husband my new habit was becoming a problem. So we planned a budget night dedicated solely for money conversations. Not only was my husband happier that the budget no longer consumed our conversations, I was happy because I had his undivided attention to plan out all our financial obligations for the month. Talk about a happy median.
- Dream Together
It’s so important that you and your spouse dream together. In our article, Who’s Funding Your Dreams, we talked about turning a dream into a reality and sticking to it. If you and your spouse are dreaming together then you both have buy-in to fuel the dream, even if it feels hard or you lack support from family and friends.
- Set A Goal and Work Towards It
For my husband and I, when we were saving to pay cash for a vehicle, it felt like a very frustrating season to be in. We were sharing one car when our work schedules were polar opposites! Sometimes we even had to ask friends or family members for assistance with transportation when our schedules conflicted. Between juggling that, family and friends expressing concerns, or hearing opinions on purchasing a car, anybody would have caved. But we had a budget and a goal that we actively pursued. We knew getting a car loan wasn’t an option so we stayed the course and were ultimately able to pay cash for our vehicle. It wasn’t easy and it wasn’t a dream car but it’s dependable, easy on the eyes, and most importantly PAID OFF.
- Believe in Each Other’s Abilities
I wonder sometimes if my husband ever knew what marrying me would entail. Not in a negative way or anything, but I don’t think I ever realized the things that we could accomplish together. When you sit at your table, recognize each other’s strengths and weaknesses. Leverage one another’s strengths and where there are weaknesses, don’t be afraid to acknowledge and work on them. In my husband’s article, The Stubborn Mule, he talked about how difficult it was initially to get on board with being on a financial plan even when he recognized that was an area that I was doing well in.
I mentioned before that only you, your spouse, and God should be at your table. Being overly prideful, insecure, overzealous, and overbearing doesn’t work. My husband wasn’t initially ready to put aside his pride and I was so overzealous that I created insecurities in him. This caused him to reject the process and for me to become overbearing to get him on board. Due to the miscommunication, I started the journey solo (I don’t recommend that). You and your spouse are partners in life so dreaming and working together builds trust in one another and in the abilities each of you brings to the table.
- Stay the Course
Growth is never easy. Doing it with someone else is rewarding and challenging at the same time. Staying true to your dreams and goals are so important. Motivate one another when you feel discouraged. Remember your why, roll up your sleeves, and get to work.
Whether you’re deciding on buying a car, buying a home, expanding your family, or making tough decisions, just remember, nobody but you and your spouse have a seat at the table. So get and stay on the same page and don’t forget to encourage one another.a
